Dealing with failure
Hi, since this is my first post, I thought I would pull up one I wrote before, and start from there. This is a post to try to deal with the idea of failure: DEALING WITH FAILURE I was thinking about what that means as far as prison is concerned. I mean, we all know what failure means in a generic term. It means you did not accomplish what you wanted to do. But when you think of this in prison terms, that can have many meanings on both sides. For the inmate, failure means being in prisons. The act itself means you lost your case in court and were sentenced. Every person in prison has lost in some way, some greater than others. But failure can mean many other things too. I am reminded of some of my cases against certain prisons because I knew they had violated some of their own rules and policies, even some constitutional laws. I felt that if I was right, and fought the good fight, then I should win, right...wrong. I learned more than once that just because you are right does not mean you will win...so much for righteousness I guess. But failure also goes outside the wall too. Loved ones of inmates may feel a sense of failure, of not "seeing this before it happened". Parents in particular might feel this. They wonder what they did wrong. Failure to them might mean not raising their child in the best way, or even not being able to deal with the pain of having a child or loved one in prison. In both cases there is a level of sorrow and shame about the situation; as sense that life may not be fair and you wonder why this is happening to you now? When you start feeling this way, there has to be a way to deal with this kind of "failure". Goodness knows I "lost" a lot of fights against DOC, not because I was wrong, but because I was an inmate. I could be right according to the letter of the law, but DOC would make some very vague argument to stand on, and declare me the loser based on very loosely translated rules. I have wondered so many times where God was for letting me lose something I would NEVER have lost if I wasn't an inmate (if you've read "Grades of Honor" you will see exactly how I felt about God in that period of my life). But maybe the way I dealt with it has a lot to do with my love of sports. In nearly every sport known, losing alone is not failure...the CONSTANT string of losing makes a failure. Do you understand what I am saying here???? To lose once, twice or even a hundred times is not a failure (although you might think that). Failure is the abandoning of something you wanted to accomplish. In other words, giving up. I have shared many jounals of when I lost rounds to NCDOC and the Inmate Grievance Board time and time again, but I had to make a decision after every "loss". Do I flop down and say, "you just can't win! DOC gets to do whatever they want!", or do I say to myself, "ok the got that one, but if the situation comes up again to write a grievance, I will do it again". I always chose the latter because I was not about to let DOC treat me like a dog. Yes I was an inmate, but I was still a person. I was NOT going to let them do with me as they wanted simply because I was in prison. I owed myself much more than that. I have been retaliated against more than once for it, but I would not back down. I just did not believe I was a failure...even if I lost several rounds. How can that translate with you outside the walls? Well, the characteristics are still the same...failure is the abandoning of hope, have you done that yet? Have you given up on your loved one in prison? Do you think you are a bad parent. Do you feel that you have lost because your boyfriend or loved one is in prison and you cannot be there for him or have him home with you? How do you deal with it? Well, first understand that if you have not given up...then is it NOT failure. Let me give you a couple of sports analogies" A boxer can lose 11 out of 12 rounds and still win a fight with a knockout...history is full of those real events. A football team can be down 6 points with 1 second left on the clock, and can still win...history is full of those real events. A basketball team can be down 2 points with one second left and can still win the game....history is full of those real events. Do you understand what I am saying here? No one is going to win everything, and in life we are not always going to be successful. In prison sometimes success is simply making it and coming home. That is success. However, it may also be finding out about yourself in difficult times and coming out stronger in mind and spirit. For you, success is continuing to stand strong and move on with life while supporting your loved one. You will not win every challenge, but that is not failure. Failure is not crying at 1 in the morning because your loved one is in prison. Failure is ALWAYS crying at 1 in the morning because your loved one is in prison. Failure is not wondering what you might have done wrong to end up with a loved on in prison...failure is ALWAYS wondering what you did wrong to end up with a loved one in prison....you catching on? How do you deal with failure...well......what failure???????
Hi, since this is my first post, I thought I would pull up one I wrote before, and start from there. This is a post to try to deal with the idea of failure: DEALING WITH FAILURE I was thinking about what that means as far as prison is concerned. I mean, we all know what failure means in a generic term. It means you did not accomplish what you wanted to do. But when you think of this in prison terms, that can have many meanings on both sides. For the inmate, failure means being in prisons. The act itself means you lost your case in court and were sentenced. Every person in prison has lost in some way, some greater than others. But failure can mean many other things too. I am reminded of some of my cases against certain prisons because I knew they had violated some of their own rules and policies, even some constitutional laws. I felt that if I was right, and fought the good fight, then I should win, right...wrong. I learned more than once that just because you are right does not mean you will win...so much for righteousness I guess. But failure also goes outside the wall too. Loved ones of inmates may feel a sense of failure, of not "seeing this before it happened". Parents in particular might feel this. They wonder what they did wrong. Failure to them might mean not raising their child in the best way, or even not being able to deal with the pain of having a child or loved one in prison. In both cases there is a level of sorrow and shame about the situation; as sense that life may not be fair and you wonder why this is happening to you now? When you start feeling this way, there has to be a way to deal with this kind of "failure". Goodness knows I "lost" a lot of fights against DOC, not because I was wrong, but because I was an inmate. I could be right according to the letter of the law, but DOC would make some very vague argument to stand on, and declare me the loser based on very loosely translated rules. I have wondered so many times where God was for letting me lose something I would NEVER have lost if I wasn't an inmate (if you've read "Grades of Honor" you will see exactly how I felt about God in that period of my life). But maybe the way I dealt with it has a lot to do with my love of sports. In nearly every sport known, losing alone is not failure...the CONSTANT string of losing makes a failure. Do you understand what I am saying here???? To lose once, twice or even a hundred times is not a failure (although you might think that). Failure is the abandoning of something you wanted to accomplish. In other words, giving up. I have shared many jounals of when I lost rounds to NCDOC and the Inmate Grievance Board time and time again, but I had to make a decision after every "loss". Do I flop down and say, "you just can't win! DOC gets to do whatever they want!", or do I say to myself, "ok the got that one, but if the situation comes up again to write a grievance, I will do it again". I always chose the latter because I was not about to let DOC treat me like a dog. Yes I was an inmate, but I was still a person. I was NOT going to let them do with me as they wanted simply because I was in prison. I owed myself much more than that. I have been retaliated against more than once for it, but I would not back down. I just did not believe I was a failure...even if I lost several rounds. How can that translate with you outside the walls? Well, the characteristics are still the same...failure is the abandoning of hope, have you done that yet? Have you given up on your loved one in prison? Do you think you are a bad parent. Do you feel that you have lost because your boyfriend or loved one is in prison and you cannot be there for him or have him home with you? How do you deal with it? Well, first understand that if you have not given up...then is it NOT failure. Let me give you a couple of sports analogies" A boxer can lose 11 out of 12 rounds and still win a fight with a knockout...history is full of those real events. A football team can be down 6 points with 1 second left on the clock, and can still win...history is full of those real events. A basketball team can be down 2 points with one second left and can still win the game....history is full of those real events. Do you understand what I am saying here? No one is going to win everything, and in life we are not always going to be successful. In prison sometimes success is simply making it and coming home. That is success. However, it may also be finding out about yourself in difficult times and coming out stronger in mind and spirit. For you, success is continuing to stand strong and move on with life while supporting your loved one. You will not win every challenge, but that is not failure. Failure is not crying at 1 in the morning because your loved one is in prison. Failure is ALWAYS crying at 1 in the morning because your loved one is in prison. Failure is not wondering what you might have done wrong to end up with a loved on in prison...failure is ALWAYS wondering what you did wrong to end up with a loved one in prison....you catching on? How do you deal with failure...well......what failure???????