Losing Composure in Prison
Losing composure in prison -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Prison is a very confining place, and is very difficult bear. Inmates can get frustrated and angry at any given moment, and when that happens there are few avenues to deal with it. I wanted to kinda share what it's like and maybe some solutions. I see some similarities in prison and "the real world", so I wanted to try to share what I can. In the time I was in prison, there were indeed many times I got angry. But when I say "angry" I don't mean going balistic. I mean angry as in upset how a prison or jail can openly disobey their own rules and neglect the care of inmates. I don't get upset at that so much as the prison's deliberate attempt to brush off any responsibility. THAT'S what gets me mad. So how do you handle yourselves when you get pushed to the breaking point? In prison you don't have a lot of avenues. To reason with DOC means to talk to a brick wall. If you told the that 2+2=4, they might argue with you that maybe the answer is 5, but they will never tell you that you are right. Prison officials and officers seem to be taught to never admit guilt or agree with an inmate if it sides with him. So when you are upset about something, talking to an officer usually won't answr the problem. But don't get me wrong, it's not like you have to avoid speaking to officers. Some can be of help. But I'm talking about when you're past simple talk. When I was in county jail, I wrote a grievance on behalf of a 16 year old inmate who got in a fight and was bitten on the collarbone. Did I actually see it happen? No. But since the juvenile cells were just down the hall from my cell, I certainly heard a fight. And since the juveniles went out on the yard with seg inmates, I saw the bitemarks on the kid's collarbone. So I wrote the grievance to help the kid. I was called to the Captain's office, with the Lieutenant and Major in the room, and was literally chewed out by the Captain because I didn't have "proof". I countered immediately by saying "look has his collarbone and see if there are teethmarks. If so, then I can't be lying". The Captain then reasoned that if that kid's mom had ever come to visit him, maybe he won't be in so much trouble........ What does THAT have to do with this fight? The Captain chewed me out, saying if he was really in a fight, why didn't he speak up for himself? She cut me off in mid sentence by saying, "I gotta go to the bathroom" and walked out on me. I went back to my cell as the Lieutenant asked me about it, and I told him that I know what I saw. He asked me how I could prove it, and as I told the Captain, I told the Lieutenant to check the kid's collarbone. After I was taken back to my cell, they called the kid, asked him to remove his jumpsuit (which is what we wore) and saw indeed the marks. He admitted he was in a fight but would not rat on the person he was in a fight with. I felt so mad, so upset at the idea that just because I am an inmate, I had no value. But I knew that "losing it" would not be helpful to me or anyone else. I sat down and wrote the situation out, hoping to remember every detail and send it to someone who could understand. Unfortunately maybe that same loss of composure forced me to throw away all my writings in anger or despair. In prison I had some similar situations as well. I remember one situation at Robeson Correctional when I wrote a grievance on behalf of the kitchen workers (as I was one of them) and my grievances were continually rejected for very VERY vague reasons. I am no rocket scientist, but I do know how to write, and probably knew the ins and outs of the grievance procedure better than anyone on the camp. I studied the rules and policies as per the NC Administrative Code, and was very deliberate to make sure the grievance would "fly". But time and time again it was rejected, for reasons that were less than valid. After about 5 or 6 grievances I was called to the programmers office. She told me why the grievance was rejected and I mentioned that according to the rules and policies there was no legitimate reason to disqualify my grievance. It was then she said, "don't play schematics with me". She went on to say that the right of speech to inmates is NOT guaranteed while in prison (which is very UNCONSTITUTIONAL) and they can do what they will. She further insulted me by saying that when I learn to write a grievance correctly, then they will accept it and see what they can do. She handed me the grievance back and I felt sooooooooo much like breathing fire. I took the grievance back and said to her as calmly as I could, "expect another grievance from me tomorrow", and left. About 2 or 3 days later I was shipped out, as the camp claimed that I "could not adjust to the prison". I know how hard it is to have to hold your composure, I also know what it's like to lose it. But when that happens, you can't let it show...at least as much as you can. It's ok to be mad, we're human, but to totally lose it gives the prison the greatest advantage to punish the inmate by throwing him in a cell, taking away privileges or other things. You've simply got to "keep your cool". That's not always easy, especially in prison, but the trick is not to let them see you lose it. You can be angry after you leave their presence, but don't blow up in front of them. You'll never win an argument that way. So how DO you win an argument? Something I learned in prison and out. You make your point, and contact someone about it. In prison, inmates have a right to write to government officials or prison officials or other groups and organizations. Will it always work. no. Sometimes things don't work the way you want. But it is still worth the shot. When I left prison I got a job at a Christian radio station who paid me $3 an hour...the minimum wage in NC is $5.15 in case you didn't know. I kept listening to them say "God's gonna bless you" while I was getting paid pennies. Months later they fired me before I was suppose to start earning a whopping $5 an hour. I was very upset, but from my experiences in prison I did what was natural to me. I got a pen and paper (well, since I was out of prison, I got the keyboard and computer) and contacted the Department of Labor. It took a few months, but at the end I won and got most of what I was supposed to get. In prison and out, sometimes you face situations that push you to the edge, but in prison your choices to redeem yourself are very small, mainly because prisons don't like inmates winning. But in these situations are the true tests of manhood. Anyone can get upset, but how many are willing to hold in the extreme anger and then use that to find answers to the problem? Anyone can, but few do. Many give up and say stuff like "DOC can do whatever they want". While there is some truth to it, I argue that if it weren't for inmates who studies law books, read rules and policies and stood up for themselves, prison would be much MUCH worse than it is now. Whoa....don't get me wrong. I'm not saying prison is like Disneyland, because it isn't. I'm saying that the conditions of prison can be improved, and should be improved. But they won't be improved unless inmates control the anger and focus on putting the pen to the paper. Let me put it to you another way: When I was at Robeson, before I got kicked out (how weird is that...being kicked out of a prison?) I wrote a grievance against the prison for the kitchen workers. Robeson ignored it. So I told the guys in the kitchen that I would be willing to write the grievance for them, all they would have to do is sign it. I think I wrote close to 20 grievances that day, and when they all turned it in at the same day, it caused some disturbances in the office. I was told by one guy who went to medical that the nurses were very concerned about how 16 grievance were turned in on the same day, at the same time, by kitchen workers. Numbers do mean something in prison because they cannot ignore multiple inmates who are discouraged. This is how riots happen and no one wants that. But before I overextend my welcome again, since I still haven't learned to shut up, I just wanted to say that in prison, it is easy to lose your temper, but if you temper it, and focus on finding answers, you might find a solution.
Losing composure in prison -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Prison is a very confining place, and is very difficult bear. Inmates can get frustrated and angry at any given moment, and when that happens there are few avenues to deal with it. I wanted to kinda share what it's like and maybe some solutions. I see some similarities in prison and "the real world", so I wanted to try to share what I can. In the time I was in prison, there were indeed many times I got angry. But when I say "angry" I don't mean going balistic. I mean angry as in upset how a prison or jail can openly disobey their own rules and neglect the care of inmates. I don't get upset at that so much as the prison's deliberate attempt to brush off any responsibility. THAT'S what gets me mad. So how do you handle yourselves when you get pushed to the breaking point? In prison you don't have a lot of avenues. To reason with DOC means to talk to a brick wall. If you told the that 2+2=4, they might argue with you that maybe the answer is 5, but they will never tell you that you are right. Prison officials and officers seem to be taught to never admit guilt or agree with an inmate if it sides with him. So when you are upset about something, talking to an officer usually won't answr the problem. But don't get me wrong, it's not like you have to avoid speaking to officers. Some can be of help. But I'm talking about when you're past simple talk. When I was in county jail, I wrote a grievance on behalf of a 16 year old inmate who got in a fight and was bitten on the collarbone. Did I actually see it happen? No. But since the juvenile cells were just down the hall from my cell, I certainly heard a fight. And since the juveniles went out on the yard with seg inmates, I saw the bitemarks on the kid's collarbone. So I wrote the grievance to help the kid. I was called to the Captain's office, with the Lieutenant and Major in the room, and was literally chewed out by the Captain because I didn't have "proof". I countered immediately by saying "look has his collarbone and see if there are teethmarks. If so, then I can't be lying". The Captain then reasoned that if that kid's mom had ever come to visit him, maybe he won't be in so much trouble........ What does THAT have to do with this fight? The Captain chewed me out, saying if he was really in a fight, why didn't he speak up for himself? She cut me off in mid sentence by saying, "I gotta go to the bathroom" and walked out on me. I went back to my cell as the Lieutenant asked me about it, and I told him that I know what I saw. He asked me how I could prove it, and as I told the Captain, I told the Lieutenant to check the kid's collarbone. After I was taken back to my cell, they called the kid, asked him to remove his jumpsuit (which is what we wore) and saw indeed the marks. He admitted he was in a fight but would not rat on the person he was in a fight with. I felt so mad, so upset at the idea that just because I am an inmate, I had no value. But I knew that "losing it" would not be helpful to me or anyone else. I sat down and wrote the situation out, hoping to remember every detail and send it to someone who could understand. Unfortunately maybe that same loss of composure forced me to throw away all my writings in anger or despair. In prison I had some similar situations as well. I remember one situation at Robeson Correctional when I wrote a grievance on behalf of the kitchen workers (as I was one of them) and my grievances were continually rejected for very VERY vague reasons. I am no rocket scientist, but I do know how to write, and probably knew the ins and outs of the grievance procedure better than anyone on the camp. I studied the rules and policies as per the NC Administrative Code, and was very deliberate to make sure the grievance would "fly". But time and time again it was rejected, for reasons that were less than valid. After about 5 or 6 grievances I was called to the programmers office. She told me why the grievance was rejected and I mentioned that according to the rules and policies there was no legitimate reason to disqualify my grievance. It was then she said, "don't play schematics with me". She went on to say that the right of speech to inmates is NOT guaranteed while in prison (which is very UNCONSTITUTIONAL) and they can do what they will. She further insulted me by saying that when I learn to write a grievance correctly, then they will accept it and see what they can do. She handed me the grievance back and I felt sooooooooo much like breathing fire. I took the grievance back and said to her as calmly as I could, "expect another grievance from me tomorrow", and left. About 2 or 3 days later I was shipped out, as the camp claimed that I "could not adjust to the prison". I know how hard it is to have to hold your composure, I also know what it's like to lose it. But when that happens, you can't let it show...at least as much as you can. It's ok to be mad, we're human, but to totally lose it gives the prison the greatest advantage to punish the inmate by throwing him in a cell, taking away privileges or other things. You've simply got to "keep your cool". That's not always easy, especially in prison, but the trick is not to let them see you lose it. You can be angry after you leave their presence, but don't blow up in front of them. You'll never win an argument that way. So how DO you win an argument? Something I learned in prison and out. You make your point, and contact someone about it. In prison, inmates have a right to write to government officials or prison officials or other groups and organizations. Will it always work. no. Sometimes things don't work the way you want. But it is still worth the shot. When I left prison I got a job at a Christian radio station who paid me $3 an hour...the minimum wage in NC is $5.15 in case you didn't know. I kept listening to them say "God's gonna bless you" while I was getting paid pennies. Months later they fired me before I was suppose to start earning a whopping $5 an hour. I was very upset, but from my experiences in prison I did what was natural to me. I got a pen and paper (well, since I was out of prison, I got the keyboard and computer) and contacted the Department of Labor. It took a few months, but at the end I won and got most of what I was supposed to get. In prison and out, sometimes you face situations that push you to the edge, but in prison your choices to redeem yourself are very small, mainly because prisons don't like inmates winning. But in these situations are the true tests of manhood. Anyone can get upset, but how many are willing to hold in the extreme anger and then use that to find answers to the problem? Anyone can, but few do. Many give up and say stuff like "DOC can do whatever they want". While there is some truth to it, I argue that if it weren't for inmates who studies law books, read rules and policies and stood up for themselves, prison would be much MUCH worse than it is now. Whoa....don't get me wrong. I'm not saying prison is like Disneyland, because it isn't. I'm saying that the conditions of prison can be improved, and should be improved. But they won't be improved unless inmates control the anger and focus on putting the pen to the paper. Let me put it to you another way: When I was at Robeson, before I got kicked out (how weird is that...being kicked out of a prison?) I wrote a grievance against the prison for the kitchen workers. Robeson ignored it. So I told the guys in the kitchen that I would be willing to write the grievance for them, all they would have to do is sign it. I think I wrote close to 20 grievances that day, and when they all turned it in at the same day, it caused some disturbances in the office. I was told by one guy who went to medical that the nurses were very concerned about how 16 grievance were turned in on the same day, at the same time, by kitchen workers. Numbers do mean something in prison because they cannot ignore multiple inmates who are discouraged. This is how riots happen and no one wants that. But before I overextend my welcome again, since I still haven't learned to shut up, I just wanted to say that in prison, it is easy to lose your temper, but if you temper it, and focus on finding answers, you might find a solution.